don't take this life for granted

Just random thoughts about my... not-so-typical life. Was just thinking, about how my life is really different from most people, and I guess I'm really glad, that I have to live this way. For better or for worse, all things will eventually work for my good. 


Problems, upsets? Heartaches, worries, things that come in my way, they are merely there to make me stronger :) 


So well, just taking a look at my life, at this point in time. like a freeze frame. and some of the lessons that i've learnt. shall just type it out here, anyway. :) 

If they had belonged to us, they would have remained in us, but their going showed that they do not belong to us:)

The past few months: march April and Feb have not been the best of times for me. I have been facing many setbacks and it seems like just when one disaster was over another one unfolded right before me and this cycle was never-ending , one after another disappointments dissatisfaction conflicts just kept piling up . Very often, my mind drifts away into  somewhere else, worrying about what homework I have to complete, what is the next project I have to plan for etc etc, as all NUSH ppl know, year 4 is the KILLER year. and the workload is pretty insane and enough to bury any normal person. So, since there's so much work, I just kept keeping myself busy, hoping I would forget about all the hurt, all the sadness and all that regret. Once in awhile I would think about my life and all that came to my mind was: damn what a loser I am...... seriously... THIS happened, no way, how could i have let THIS happen to ME. and then I tell myself, debb, you've lost, its gone now, forever, and never will be again. 

During these 4 months of so called "darkness and problems", many issues and aspects of my life were surfaced to me. Due to my paranoia and over analyzing every situation, thinking of the number of people who must think I'm such an asshole by now ... because of my every little action, that COULD have or MIGHT have hurt somebody. And yes, I am fully aware of my every action, and I am fully aware, I HAVE hurt, many people, due to my insensitivity, my selfishness, my rashness, or maybe my biasedness. Probably too many to name, but if you are reading this, and I have indeed hurt you, I am really very very sorry, from the bottom of my heart, maybe i've offended you, or maybe i've done something that was totally inappropriate, or maybe i've just forgotten. Well, yes i'm not perfect, and we all make mistakes, as much as we dont like to. but I am really learning, from them and trying my best to be a better person, a better friend. :) 

To all my friends, THANK YOU for your understanding, and well just being there, for me. all the time. Though I might not have told any of you, because that's just who I am, when I'm sad, I don't tell people, and really nobody can actually convince/cheer me up. Except for myself, sound really retarded but its the truth. so, yeah.... thanks, for putting up with my weird behaviour, and well moodyness or wtv it is, you guys are the best, really <3 I hope i'm not so dull anymore! :X 

And so I tried to understand why... All this bad stuff were happening, and I thought okay, maybe this is just a phase of my life I hv to go through, everything has been way too smooth sailing for me in the past, and this is just the punishment I have to suffer for the moment. So I waited, moped around hoping for a change to just magically HAPPEN in my life, hoping for the dullness and sadness to just fade away on it's own, until 1 day , I realized that the problem is not those around me or my circumstance or the conditions that I've been going through like everyone had convinced me it was,  and I realized what was missing in my life, was LOVE and care and concern, for others and such. In fact I was so masked by all the stress and all that I was in total denial of my state Until I was really convicted by this message: are you too busy to care for those around you? are you so busy you have no time for your friends? are these things less important than getting what you want?  more important than having close relationships?Is  having a title for yourself and the power and all the fame when you're all alone and are merciless not having a heart for anything or anyone in the world even worth it? 

And that is why I have learnt to treasure those around me and love each and every person with all that I've got and all that I have, unconditionally and without expecting anything in return. that is what love is, 

love is patient 

love is kind

it endures long sufferings 

always delights in the truth 

and never in sin. 

Everyone could use a little love~ :) 

-DEBORAHH