Me.

Personal Life, hence the title very well explains. 


I am almost turning 18, and that means I'm officially gonna be a Legal mature adult. FWAAH, it just hit me today, as I was day dreaming, this thought hit me so hard that I began thinking about what kind of person I am, right now, and who I want to be, when that day finally comes, 20 April 2013, when I will be 18. 


So this was the outcome, as of now, I need to start taking responsibility of my own actions and choices, and stop pinning the blame on others, for my choice of actions and my attitude or the way I see things. So what if this happened, or that happened, or maybe I think that I'm not as priviledged as most people my age, or maybe I think I'm living a very different lifestyle. So what, that does not give me excuses to live any less happier or more fulfilling. That would be solely my choice, and how I would want to let certain events, things, people. Mould me, shape me and allow me to become who I am today. HUMILITY. If it is my fault, I will humbly and honestly admit it. Sparing a thought for others, to be more sensitive, to people's needs, their feelings of my loved ones, and most importantly, not be an absentee friend, who's only there to enjoy in good times, and disappears in troubles or bad times, but to be someone people can count on, who can trust, with their problems difficulties and maybe even insecurities. This is the debb I want to be. 


I AM a mature adult who can think for myself.  Another, 10 months for me to work towards this! :) Go debb! 

Tolerance or just plain apathy.

So, I think I can tolerate almost everything and any kind of bad behaviour, and whatever retarded crap that comes my way, but what exactly does it mean to be tolerant. To tolerate is to allow the existence of something to occur, in this light me being tolerant doesn't exactly help anyone at all, and people just end up continuing what they did, in their insensitivity, in their jealousy, in their contempt and in their anger.

I need to start being more prominent. bold, and confident of myself and my moral compass, yes.

So, looks like Sunday is going to be a long day~ whee~ yay me? haha.

-STUDY PPV 0%
-geog essay 0%
-geog URA 20%
-eng presentation 0%
-chem workplan 0%
-smp poster 40%
-math GCT 30%
-Physics Test 20%
-PPV forum 1/3
-zuo ye
-yanjiang gao
-juanzi

-THAT'S ALL... its JUST for the week, we're gonna have FUN woohooo.

and then it all made sense, once again.

20 Life Lessons I Learned in My 20’s

An awesome blog post right there! By some dude, and what he's learnt, haha.

Some of them are pretty good shlal just highlight those that jumped out at me. x) and are worth remembering.

Like..

4. No matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be. Either you succeed or you learn something. Win-Win.

8.Complaining is like slapping yourself for slapping yourself. It doesn’t solve the problem, it just hurts you more.

9.The one with nothing to hide is always the one left standing tall.

18.Even when you feel like you have nothing, someone else likely has far less. Find them and help them. You’ll see why.

20. Remember, change happens for a reason. Roll with it. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

Much for me to ponder upon when I have the time to.. not at this hour definitely, when I have to go to school, on a SATURDAY MORNING, for CHINESE class, are you kidding me. oh wells.

Just to end this off, ~But above all, laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can’t change. Life is short, yet amazing. Enjoy the ride.

:) live,laugh,love.

win, lose?

IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT WINNING, IT'S ABOUT BEING A BETTER PERSON, IT'S ABOUT PUTTING UP A FIGHT, IT'S ABOUT DOING YOUR BEST AND TRYING YOUR BEST, always. and not having any regrets. 


I'm better than this, a better person. 


grow up debb. 

and it hit me.

:) how appropriate. haha. 

long gone, and moved on. lessons learnt, priceless. 

Just give it a shot.

Three simple rules: (1) If you don't go after what you want, you'll never a have it. (2) If you don't ask, the answer will always be no. (3) If you don't step forward, you will always be in the same spot.

- Unknown

:) take that step of faith, that brave step. 

that other side.

Everyone has a secret they haven't shared. Everyone has a past no one's heard about. Everyone has talents that people don't notice. Everyone has weaknesses hidden inside. Everyone has a story left untold, so never start judging someone thinking you know them back to front. Because the truth is, you probably don't.
- Unknown

Humility and Patience

You Must go down, in order to go Up.  


I like that phrase, from the loud camp. It was really a reminder to me, not to let the good achievements, nice comfortable life and my position get the better of me. But instead to be humble, and serve others sincerely. That's what truly makes a good leader, imo.  One who doesn't just lead people because they want to win, or because it has to be done, but one who leads to touch others' lives and make it better/happier for them. That selfless attitude of servanthood and inconveniencing myself for others, need to learn to have that more often.. rather than just thinking of myself all the time, and how much fun I could have, joining in all the noise and the craziness. but instead stop, think and look to see who are those around me who truly need a helping hand and are in need :) 


That's one of the major takeaways from LOUD camp! to be more humble, and gentle patient and willing to serve others more. :) I'm always in a rush to get things done, to do things fast, good and efficient, that sometimes I miss out on making sure, that those around me are alright. I miss out on the journey, and the process because I'm so fixed on the goal in mind, its time for me to pause for a moment and appreciate those around me for what they have done. :) 


woohoo, and also I realise my ego can be pretty huge at times.. :/ but I CHOOSE LOVE <3 above all, above everything, to love one another <3 i'm not just saying it.. for the sake of it... but as a reminder to myself.


"Being a Leader means being the agent of your own life, influencing the things YOU care about most...." ~Stewart Friedman wow, nice quote, i like. :) 


totally random: I DON'T WANT TO DO JOURNAL ARTICLES, MEHH

I need to prioritize

Time is flying by and i've hardly accomplished anything, this is so depressing. I need some room to breathe too.. D: before i die of business.. 


FARADAY EXCO MEETING SOON! :) yay, we're the last house to have it... but who cares! at least its gonna happen :P haha. lots of plans have yet to take action... and come to past, whoops. time to start some work! :) 2 weeks of holidays to go! more like 1 when we have the meeting.. haha. not too late i hope.. 




and yes, commitments, have to stick to them 




I WILL BE AWAY FROM SUNDAY- TUESDAY! AT CAMP! woohhH~ 


LOUD CAMP WILL BE SO EXCITING! 


EUREKAA!! SWEEAHH~~!!!!


time to learn some super duper awesome cheers, that I can hopefully improvise for faraday ^^ haha. our one line cheer is getting a little old. need some fresh new ideas!


-DEBORAH

It starts from within

Everday, in and out day to day we all face challenges, we face problems, things don't go how we'd like it to or according to planned, and I get pissed and upset and my mind gets blundered or messed up or wtv, and all I want to do is scream at the first person I see and blame the rest of the world for what's happening to ME, but is that really true? 

Is everything happening, BECAUSE of someone else, or could it just be me... Since the only common denominator, problem after problem. fight after fight. is actually only me. Maybe it's time for me to change the way I see things, maybe then there will be a change in my life. Porbably. but it all starts with me, a small step of courage, with a heart of passion. That's the kind of leader I want to be, caring, responsible,compassionate, accountable for, resourceful, able to adapt, efficient and most importantly, an inspiration to all. :) 


I know i've fallen short in many of thsoe areas, especially reponsibility :X heh, but I'm really learning and trying my best to work on that. Do I want to keep leaving things behind? Who'd want to lose their handphone, again and again, wallet, misplaced, time and time again. Nobody wants all that trouble, thing is my mind isn't cooperating with me at all D: so trying to remember where I put my stuff actually takes effort on my part. sucks to be me i guess, but that's how i am D: unfortunately...

What do you fight for?

fight for love, fight for justice its a constant fight, and battle, every single day. 

Fasting tmr! 7am-7pm! :) jiayous e490ians!! can't wait really... :) 

you.

thank you, for making me stronger
thank you, for making me a better person
thank you, for teaching me how to stand up on my 2 feet again, on my own.
thank you, for because of you I've learnt the meaning of strength.
thank you, for because of you, I know that I'm worth it.
thank you, for you have made me a fighter.
thank you, for everything, the good the bad the ugly. I've finally made sense of it all. better off this way. :)
I'm me again, louder, crazier and even stronger than before, this is not gonna get me down ever again.

hope you are doing great as well, all the best, do amazing and exceedingly great! :)

-deborah.

don't take this life for granted

Just random thoughts about my... not-so-typical life. Was just thinking, about how my life is really different from most people, and I guess I'm really glad, that I have to live this way. For better or for worse, all things will eventually work for my good. 


Problems, upsets? Heartaches, worries, things that come in my way, they are merely there to make me stronger :) 


So well, just taking a look at my life, at this point in time. like a freeze frame. and some of the lessons that i've learnt. shall just type it out here, anyway. :) 

If they had belonged to us, they would have remained in us, but their going showed that they do not belong to us:)

The past few months: march April and Feb have not been the best of times for me. I have been facing many setbacks and it seems like just when one disaster was over another one unfolded right before me and this cycle was never-ending , one after another disappointments dissatisfaction conflicts just kept piling up . Very often, my mind drifts away into  somewhere else, worrying about what homework I have to complete, what is the next project I have to plan for etc etc, as all NUSH ppl know, year 4 is the KILLER year. and the workload is pretty insane and enough to bury any normal person. So, since there's so much work, I just kept keeping myself busy, hoping I would forget about all the hurt, all the sadness and all that regret. Once in awhile I would think about my life and all that came to my mind was: damn what a loser I am...... seriously... THIS happened, no way, how could i have let THIS happen to ME. and then I tell myself, debb, you've lost, its gone now, forever, and never will be again. 

During these 4 months of so called "darkness and problems", many issues and aspects of my life were surfaced to me. Due to my paranoia and over analyzing every situation, thinking of the number of people who must think I'm such an asshole by now ... because of my every little action, that COULD have or MIGHT have hurt somebody. And yes, I am fully aware of my every action, and I am fully aware, I HAVE hurt, many people, due to my insensitivity, my selfishness, my rashness, or maybe my biasedness. Probably too many to name, but if you are reading this, and I have indeed hurt you, I am really very very sorry, from the bottom of my heart, maybe i've offended you, or maybe i've done something that was totally inappropriate, or maybe i've just forgotten. Well, yes i'm not perfect, and we all make mistakes, as much as we dont like to. but I am really learning, from them and trying my best to be a better person, a better friend. :) 

To all my friends, THANK YOU for your understanding, and well just being there, for me. all the time. Though I might not have told any of you, because that's just who I am, when I'm sad, I don't tell people, and really nobody can actually convince/cheer me up. Except for myself, sound really retarded but its the truth. so, yeah.... thanks, for putting up with my weird behaviour, and well moodyness or wtv it is, you guys are the best, really <3 I hope i'm not so dull anymore! :X 

And so I tried to understand why... All this bad stuff were happening, and I thought okay, maybe this is just a phase of my life I hv to go through, everything has been way too smooth sailing for me in the past, and this is just the punishment I have to suffer for the moment. So I waited, moped around hoping for a change to just magically HAPPEN in my life, hoping for the dullness and sadness to just fade away on it's own, until 1 day , I realized that the problem is not those around me or my circumstance or the conditions that I've been going through like everyone had convinced me it was,  and I realized what was missing in my life, was LOVE and care and concern, for others and such. In fact I was so masked by all the stress and all that I was in total denial of my state Until I was really convicted by this message: are you too busy to care for those around you? are you so busy you have no time for your friends? are these things less important than getting what you want?  more important than having close relationships?Is  having a title for yourself and the power and all the fame when you're all alone and are merciless not having a heart for anything or anyone in the world even worth it? 

And that is why I have learnt to treasure those around me and love each and every person with all that I've got and all that I have, unconditionally and without expecting anything in return. that is what love is, 

love is patient 

love is kind

it endures long sufferings 

always delights in the truth 

and never in sin. 

Everyone could use a little love~ :) 

-DEBORAHH

REORGANIZE my life.

whee, reorganize: I will attempt to do just that, right now.. on a Sunday "morning" ? at 2.17 am. amazing how i'm still awake and full of energy, seriously why man. haha. but I guess its good that i'm actually staying up to do something PRODUCTIVE,! :D yay me..? instead of stoning at the com screen, looking aimlessly through twitter/facebook hoping to find something comment-worthy.... :P 


for me, Reorganize= do up my calendar+ update myself about stuff happening~ +to-do list.


so.. here goes.. 


to-do list

1. SMP LAB NOTEBOOK: 
2. 
   

• stick pictures
• type word doc (x3 entries)
• rewrite some pencil marks, 
• DEBB FELL ASLEEP WRITING THIS HERE @ 2.35AM. x.x